I was born into a huge family and with that came a bit of chaos! We didn’t have a lot of money, and it was hard for Mum to provide for all of us. But it also brought us really close together, and that’s something I’ve always valued.
I got into cannabis at a young age, probably around 11. By the time I was 12, I was even trying to grow my own plant. It didn’t get very far though! Mum found it, and I got into a lot of trouble.
I was always getting into trouble back then. I tried alcohol and tobacco too, but they didn’t grab me in the same way. I did start smoking cigarettes at 14, mostly because the “cool kids” were doing it. I tried quitting a few times but couldn’t. It wasn’t until 2013, when I got help from the Southern Stop Smoking Service, that I finally managed to stop. They gave me lozenges, and that made all the difference.
Looking back, I wish I’d made better choices, but you can’t change the past.
The first time I injected drugs, I was 15. I was encouraged to try it. Back then, it was morphine mixed with an acid to turn it into a form of synthetic heroin. It was the closest thing you could get in New Zealand. I only used it for a few months at that stage, and it didn’t turn into a big habit.
But that changed in 2013 when I reconnected with old friends. That’s when the addiction really took hold, and I started using every day.
It’s hard to explain what it feels like. There’s a huge rush at the start. It’s intense, but short-lived, maybe a minute. After that, it’s not even about feeling good. When you’re using every day, it becomes about avoiding feeling sick. You end up needing a constant supply. It’s incredibly addictive.
At the time, I got needles from the chemist. I tried to use clean ones, but we still shared them sometimes. I’m lucky I didn’t contract Hepatitis C. We didn’t know about the Needle Exchange or where to go. If we had, things might have been very different.
I injected mostly in my arms. I still have scars from it. I used the same spot too often, which isn’t safe. If you miss a vein, it can swell up and become very painful. I learned the hard way that you’re supposed to rotate injection sites.
My addiction continued to get worse. I was using daily and sometimes multiple times a day. The cost was insane! But, If I didn’t have it, I’d get really sick. It felt like a bad flu. I would have a sore body, I would be sneezing and sometimes vomiting. It was horrible.
After a while, it wasn’t about getting high anymore. It was just about functioning. I needed it to get out of bed, to go to work, to get through the day.
At one point, I couldn’t get morphine, so I tried injecting Ritalin instead. I ended up using it occasionally, mostly on weekends. Later on, after I had stopped injecting, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Looking back, I realise I was trying to self-medicate all along without even knowing it.
My life continued to revolve around drugs for a long time. It was exhausting. Physically, mentally, and financially exhausting. I knew I couldn’t live like that forever. I was sick of being dependent on the drugs, on other people, on the whole lifestyle. It consumed me.
Eventually, I decided I had to do something. I went on the methadone programme, and it worked for me. It doesn’t give you a high, but it stabilises you. It takes away the cravings and helps you feel normal again.
These days, I’m also prescribed Ritalin, which I take orally. It helps me function properly. Without it, I struggle to focus or stay on track. It’s clear to me now that I was trying to manage my ADHD in the worst possible way back then.
One thing I know now is how important the Needle Exchange service is. Back when I started, we didn’t have the information or access we needed. We shared needles without fully understanding the risks.
Services like the Needle Exchange are vital. They provide clean equipment, safe disposal, and education that can prevent serious harm. They also connect people to support, like testing for Hepatitis C and access to treatment programmes.
If I’d known about those services earlier, it could have made a big difference. That’s why I believe they are so important. Not just for safety, but for giving people a pathway to get help and eventually turn their lives around.
