There was a time after my cancer surgery when I didn't want anyone to see me. I stopped going to church, avoided community events, and I didn't want visitors at my house. Some days I didn't even get out of bed until the afternoon. Every time I looked in the mirror, I struggled to recognise the person looking back at me. The pain was intense, my confidence was gone, and I felt like I had lost the person I used to be.
For someone who had spent most of her life serving others and being deeply involved in her community, it was one of the hardest periods I have ever faced, but with the support of my family, my faith, and the encouragement of the Cancer Kaiārahi service at Ngā Kete Mātauranga Pounamu Charitable Trust, I slowly found my way back.
All glory and honour be to God.
My name is Makalita Maka, and I was born and raised in Tonga. In 1988, my parents sent me to New Zealand to study, with the intention of returning home afterwards. Life had other plans though, and I ended up making New Zealand my home. I haven't returned to Tonga since arriving, but my parents would visit over the years, and I eventually became a resident.
I got married and went on to have eight children. While my husband and I later separated, our family has remained the centre of my life. Today, all my children are adults, ranging in age from 19 to 34, and I am also blessed with eight grandchildren.
I have always been passionate about serving people and being involved in my community. Much of my working life has been spent supporting people through various community organisations. Caring for others has always been a big part of who I am, which is why the challenges I faced after my cancer surgery were so difficult.
Cancer has been part of my journey for a number of years. My first cancer was treated about ten years ago. Later, another cancer was found near my ear, and that area was removed. Then, last year, after experiencing ongoing pain in my face, I underwent some scans, and that revealed more cancer. Doctors told me it was low-growth, but when I went into surgery, it had spread and the main facial nerve had to be removed.
The surgery, followed by radiation treatment, changed my life in ways I wasn't prepared for.
As I recovered, I struggled deeply with how I looked because it had affected my facial features. The pain was intense, and every time I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. My confidence disappeared. I stopped wanting to be around people. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to attend community events. I didn't want visitors at my house.
For someone who had spent her life serving others and being actively involved in the community, it was devastating.
There were days when I didn't get out of bed until the afternoon. Thankfully, my children and grandchildren were always around to encourage me and keep me going. My faith also carried me through. Through every surgery, every treatment, every setback, my faith is what kept me moving forward.
During this time, the hospital connected me with a Cancer Kaiārahi at Nga Kete. The kaimahi suggested I attend Manaaki Manawa, the Cancer Support Group. At first, I refused. I simply didn't have the confidence to go.
The kaimahi continued to encourage me. She asked me more than once, and eventually I found the courage to attend. I was so nervous walking into that first group meeting. I had put it off for a long time. But from the moment I arrived, I was welcomed and embraced. I felt at home.
Being surrounded by people who understood what it was like to lose confidence because of cancer was incredibly powerful. Their experiences were all different, but they understood the feelings of loss, isolation, and uncertainty that cancer can bring. For the first time, I realised I wasn't alone, and the group members started to feel like family.
Slowly, the support group helped me reconnect with people. It helped me understand that I could still be part of my community, even if I wasn't the same person I had been before cancer.
That was one of the hardest things to accept.
I had always been the person helping others, but suddenly, I was the one who needed support. I felt lost, helpless, and like I no longer had anything to offer.
The group helped me see things differently though. Little by little, I started accepting who I am now. There were changes I couldn't ignore. After surgery, I struggled with dribbling when I talked. I experienced nerve damage, and radiation affected my jaw and teeth. For a long time, it hurt to open my mouth, and speaking was difficult. Learning to live with those changes has been one of the biggest challenges of my life.
Throughout it all, the support of the Cancer Kaiārahi meant so much to me.
There were times when I didn't want to see anyone, including her, but she never gave up on me. She would visit me at home, listen to me, encourage me, and give me the space to talk honestly about how I was feeling.
Sometimes I just needed someone to sit with me while I unloaded all the fear, frustration, and sadness I was carrying. She reassured me that what I was experiencing was part of the healing process and that things would not always be this hard. She encouraged me not to be so hard on myself and helped me understand that recovery takes time.
Even getting out of bed some days felt like a victory, and she celebrated those small steps with me.
The support I received through Ngā Kete helped me move forward when I wasn't sure I could.
One of the biggest milestones was attending the support group. It may sound like a small thing, but for me it was enormous. It was the first step back into the world. I still attend the group today because it is a place where I feel accepted exactly as I am.
My confidence is still a work in progress. There are still times when I say no to invitations or avoid certain situations. Being out in the community can still be difficult, but I can answer the door now. I can spend time with friends. I can enjoy being with people again.
I've accepted some parts of who I am now, while still working on others.
I don't know exactly what the future holds. There may be more treatment ahead. Surgeons have talked about further procedures, and I still need dental work because of the effects of radiation. But today, I have much less pain than I did before, and for that I am grateful.
Right now, I am enjoying my time with my children and grandchildren. They continue to be my greatest source of love and support.
Looking back, I realise how important it is to have people who encourage you when you can't see a way forward yourself. Cancer changed my life, but it also taught me the value of accepting help, leaning on others, and taking one step at a time. The support I received through Ngā Kete helped me find my way back to myself, and for that I will always be grateful.
Giving thanks to God for you!
