*This tangata whai ora wishes to remain anonymous
I had a horrible, violence-filled upbringing with an abusive father, which led me to live on the streets for 14 years and commit some horrendous crimes. Violence became a way of life and I also spent 15 years in jail for a string of burglaries. But today, I am in a much better place filled with positivity and hope for the future.
I grew up with four siblings, an abusive father, and a terrified mother. My father was a big, intimidating man, an ex-boxer, who used his size, fists or vicious words to get what he wanted or to be heard.
My father would call me names in front of his friends and take me to his girlfriends houses while still married to my mother. He would often try and beat my mother up too but I would always stand in front of her to take the beating instead. Often Mum would pile us all in the car and take off, but it was only ever for a day or two and we’d be back home.
I learnt quickly to be seen and not heard. There would be trouble if there was any noise in the house and we could never have friends over because they were all scared of Dad.
At 6-years-old I was made a ward of the state through until I turned 15. I was sent to three different boys’ homes, foster homes, all sorts, but I would always run away.
All before I turned 10 I was smoking, drinking, doing drugs, living mainly on the streets and committing crimes. It just became a way of life for me and it was all I knew.
I was expelled from school when I was thirteen and never went back. I continued to commit crimes and the Police threw me in Prison for a day to try and scare me but it didn’t work.
By this stage I was living full-time on the street. I was sleeping wherever and carrying very little possessions. I had odd jobs – at bird aviaries, dog kennels – but I couldn’t hold any of them down. I was drinking heavily, smoking cigarettes and marijuana and sniffing solvents, and my best friends were gang members.
I had my first stint in prison at 18 and as soon as I was out I was back on the streets. I really enjoyed being on the streets, I think it was my safety net, and I enjoyed looking after other homeless people.
I can’t even count now how many burglaries I committed over those years. I did it out of greed and want. I had no conscience at all. I’d even commit violence on others in prison. I just didn’t care. I spent a total of 15 years in prison.
My relationship with my parents never improved and in 2010 Dad passed away, followed by Mum one year later.
During my last trip to court I asked the Judge to order me to live under the bridge. While I was living under the bridge I started reading the bible again and I’d often hang out at the Salvation Army down the road.
With the support of the Salvation Army I got my license back and soon started driving the Salvation Army van picking people up and dropping them off. I really enjoyed it and I found it was getting me away from using drugs and alcohol. I had completed six programmes trying to get completely off the drugs and alcohol, but nothing up until this point had worked.
In December my brother, who was living in Invercargill, contacted me to ask what I was doing for Christmas. I told him I had some cold pizza and that would be lunch. Soon after, he brought me down to Invercargill and I moved in with him. I was still using the moment before I got on that plane, but since I’ve been here I’ve only smoked cigarettes. I completely quit everything. I don’t know anyone down here, which helped, and I became involved with the Church and made lots of positive friends.
A couple of months ago I came to Ngā Kete to get a food parcel and while there I read some pamphlets and I was interested in their support. I reached out and I was put in touch with the Kaimahi at the Tāne Ora Men’s Group. I joined the group and it has been so positive – I have been coming ever since.
The kaimahi is a real positive influence on me, and between him and the group I’ve found my confidence soaring, my awareness growing, my boundaries firmly in place, and I’ve also learnt basic everyday living things I didn’t know before. The group has given me the opportunity to be open, talk freely and share emotions I usually wouldn’t.
The Kaimahi has supported me in finding my own house, provided me with positive books, attends appointments with me, and talked with me, which is sometimes all I need. The support means to much because I still find it challenging to talk with people.
This whole thing has been a blessing to me. My relationships are better now, and I have my first Rongoa appointment soon which I am looking forward to. Being down here and engaging with Ngā Kete has been life changing for me.
I feel guilt now for all of the people I hurt, the burglaries I committed, and I have apologised to a lot of people. I finally, for the first time in my life, have a conscience.
My days of getting abused and being an abuser, drinking alcohol and smoking weed to forget – It’s all behind me now. I try to be as honest as I can, especially to myself, and I’m feeling good. I am right where I’m meant to be.
Whāia te iti kahuraki, ki te tuohu koe, me he mauka teitei.
Seek the treasures of your heart, if you bow, let it be to a lofty mountain.
