*This tangata whaiora wishes to remain anonymous
I grew up in what I refer to as a ‘Once Were Warriors’ type of household. My mother was a physical abuser and my father a mental abuser. My parents loved parties, drugs, and alcohol and that was just their way of life.
I have had some traumatic experiences in my life, which started when I was just four-years-old. I was sexually abused by my older brother through until I was about eight or nine, and when I was eight a family friend also sexually abused me (he was later convicted).
Because of this I have always struggled with my mental health but I also built a wonderful life for myself. I met a woman and together we had four children and spent over 20 years together.
But it wasn’t meant to be and the relationship fell apart. I struggled with the separation and letting her go and I turned to alcohol to cope. Alcohol had always been a big part of my life but after the break up I started drinking daily and it started to become a problem.
Throughout all of this I met another woman and we started dating. At the same time I was fighting for full custody of my children because my former partner had become a methamphetamine addict.
I was also dealing with neck, shoulder and arm pain and diagnosed with chiari malformation. I have had five surgeries in the past 10 years but unfortunately the surgeons have not been able to fix the problem. I now live with numbness in my arm and hand, which sometimes transfers to my other hand.
On the day I was meant to go to Court for my kids my partner and I had an argument which turned physical and ended our relationship. I was disguted with myself and knew I needed to get away. Before I knew it I was heading to Invercargill with three of my children (one stayed in Dunedin to study). Despite everything I had won the custody battle and I couldn’t have been happier. My children are my purpose and my entire world.
Soon after moving to Invercargill my older brother, the one who had made my life hell, committed suicide. I struggled to cry about his death but I know he suffered from mental health and at least he was no longer suffering.
Coming to Invercargill, I knew this was it for me. I needed to let go of a lot of things from my past in order to move on, and my sister recommended I go to Ngā Kete. I started by attending the Te Rongo Pai group every week for about eight or nine months. The group, for me, was releasing. I could sit with likeminded people and let everything out. It was healing and put my life into perspective – I wasn’t the only one dealing with ugly things in their lives.
Outside of Ngā Kete I also completed an anger management course and really enjoyed it. The facilitators were impressed by my story and how I carried myself during the course and mentioned that they would like to see me become a facilitator one day. This completely blew me away!
Through Te Rongo Pai at Ngā Kete, I was referred to the Pūrerehua Transformation Service. The Kaimahi was so helpful and together we set goals for my future. She gave me motivation and encouragement and supported me in enrolling in a wellbeing course at the Southern Institute of Technology next year, which I am really looking forward to.
Sometimes I really need a push, and the kaimahi was my push. She has helped to set me on the right path and even comes to the gym with me and supports me in training for a half marathon I am planning to do. I love running – I always try to keep active for my mental health.
The service has also given me financial support, which has meant so much to me – being a single Dad with three children in my care.
As well as this I have been seeing a Mahana Addictions Counsellor, which is helping me to release and talk about past trauma, and about the alcohol – I haven’t had a drink in six months.
I am also attending the Tāne Ora Men’s Group, which has been so grounding for me. I am Māori but have never spoken much Te Reo so to learn and speak my pepeha in front of other people has been huge for me. Tāne Ora has connected me to my culture.
Before I came to Ngā Kete I was at rock bottom, but now I am beginning to heal and working on my mental health. Ngā Kete has been my backbone. The support has been incredible.
He Māia au I am Brave
He Kaha au I am Strong
He Atamai au I am Smart
He Atawhai au I am Kind
He Ātaahua au I am Beautiful
He Pukumahi au I am Diligent
He Ihumanea au I am Clever
He Manawanui au I am Dedicated
