Against a backdrop of rejection and family dysfunction, life growing up was tough which led to low self-esteem and low confidence. But after engaging with Ngā Kete I feel like a whole new person with purpose, confidence and strength.
Times were tough growing up. My mother was an alcoholic who would often choose the bottle over my brother and I, she would lie to us, and constantly fight with her boyfriend – especially if they run out of alcohol.
Home was never a nice place to be for me. I would spend most of my time riding my bike, visiting my aunt, or listening to music just to get away.
When she finally told me who my real father was I tried to have a relationship with him, but that didn’t work out either. I haven’t even spoken to my brother in 30 years because of the lies my mother told him, and now he’s on borrowed time with a terminal cancer diagnosis.
After I left school I moved into a flat and started drinking heavily to numb myself. It wasn’t long though before I realised there was more to life than that – all I had to do was look at my mess of a mother. I had boyfriends but majority were violent. It’s like I couldn’t escape or break the cycle.
In 2003, I enrolled with the Southern Institute of Technology to undertake Māori studies, and I was tutored by Koro Riki Cherrington. Through this I was able to ground myself and this was, my far, the best time of my life. I loved it there and being tutored by him.
Later I started working at the meat works and while there I met a man and we had a baby. She had a few issues as a youngster but things were good and I just loved being a mother. Unfortunately the relationship with her father fell over and he moved to Christchurch when our daughter was one.
On top of this I had damaged my knee in a motorbike accident and later ended up in hospital in agony with swollen legs. I was later diagnosed with arthritis throughout my entire body and Fibromyalgia – a chronic long-lasting disorder that causes pain and tenderness throughout the body as well as fatigue and trouble sleeping. This condition cannot be cured.
I met a social worker who supported me and later, when she started working at Ngā Kete Matauranga Pounamu Charitable Trust, she introduced me to Te Rourou Pai Oranga (Nutrition Progamme) and Taputapu Mātua (Parenting Programme).
These programmes were amazing. I learnt so much and made new friends along the way. I learnt how to cook good food, and how to use everything in the fridge and cupboard so there was no wastage. The parenting programme taught me different tips and tricks and it brought me closer to my daughter. Our relationship improved and I felt I could understand her more.
That was the beginning of my journey with Ngā Kete, and they have been supporting me ever since. I was referred to the Pūrerehua Transformation Service and the kaimahi has been incredible. She supported me as I was starting my business, Te Whare Poi, and she was always there if I needed to talk. Often I would walk in with my head down, but I would always leave with my head held high. I could talk to her about anything!
I also started seeing a Mahana addiction and mental health counsellor, and she allowed me vent about my mother, and things in my past I had been holding on to. She gave me sound advice and continued to support me with things that are happening in my life now.
All of the kaimahi at Ngā Kete that have supported me have helped me to become a stronger person. They have helped with parenting, cooking, self-strength, self-belief, my confidence is higher than ever and I feel I am finally strong enough to deal with past and current traumas. My business is finally establishing and I have enrolled with SIT to do my business papers next year.
I am so grateful for the support and I feel like I am finally where I need to be in my life.
