BFC+, Pūrerehua Transformation, Tui Ora Programmes, Mahana Mental Health and Addiction
*This tangata whai ora wishes to remain anonymous
In a bid to escape my messy life in the North Island, I packed up my grandson and I, and moved to Invercargill on a whim. It turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done because engaging with Ngā Kete has turned my whole life around.
My life has been messy since the day I was born. I grew up with my mother and half-sister and they both treated me poorly, often picking on me and abusing me.
I remember one time my mother was so angry with me she dragged me by my hair, threw me in a cold bath and held my head under water – with the help of my sister. She told me I deserved everything that happened to me, including when I was sexually assaulted by a boy at school.
I couldn’t stay any longer so I left home and eventually moved in with a couple who adopted me. They will always be my Mum and Dad. They treated me the way a daughter should be treated. Life started improving and it was the one part of my early years I actually really enjoyed.
But the cycle of violence wasn’t over for me.
I met my husband in 1997 and fell pregnant one year later. That’s when the problems started. He became emotionally abusive, would cheat on me and after I had our baby he became physically violent towards me. I stayed with him because I thought that was what you were meant to do, and while we separated a couple of times we got married in 2012.
I honestly thought marrying him would change his violent behaviour but it didn’t and in 2019 our divorce was finalised. During our time together we had four children and I also gained a step-daughter.
I became unwell, often forgetting to take my medication, and while I didn’t realise it at the time I was enabling bad behaviour from my children. Life became toxic again and it only escalated after I fought for full custody of my grandson. My daughter was not in a good place and it was the right thing to do.
But I started to mentally unravel. I was sick of being a doorstop for everybody and I had next to no support. So one day I decided to pack up and move my grandson and I to the bottom of the South Island.
I had never been to Invercargill and we arrived knowing no one. It was a hard transition for us and I was struggling to stay afloat financially. I started searching for budget advice and that’s when I found the Building Financial Capabilities Plus Service at Ngā Kete.
The kaimahi was so helpful. She would come to my house and support me in setting up automatic payments, and made calls to get me back on my feet. She even helped to get my car payments reduced so I could cope. She enabled me to budget correctly for each week to do what I needed to do. She continues to check in on me and I’m doing great now. I am no longer stressing about money!
The kaimahi then referred me on to the Pūrerehua Transformation Service to support me in achieving my goals. I knew I needed to improve my mental health and this service did exactly that for me. The kaimahi was wonderful and seemed to know exactly what I needed. We spoke about things that interested me and I told her I loved water so she took my grandson and I to the beach, which I didn’t even know was there. It was so uplifting. My grandson just ran and it was beautiful to watch, and I could just stand there, shoes off, and cry. It was healing and amazing and now we go at least once a week. Everything changed for me after that day, I can’t explain it.
The kaimahi has also helped me to set up my vegetable gardens. I have several gardens now with lots of vegetables which is saving me money and enabling me to enjoy a passion. It’s also great for my grandson because he can water them, watch them grow and pick things off to eat.
I was referred to the Te Rourou Pai Oranga (Nutrition) and Taputapu Mātua (Parenting) courses at Ngā Kete and I learnt so much. The parenting course taught me to listen better rather than react, and my grandson and I have a much better relationship for it. The nutrition course taught me how to make new things on a budget, and how to hide food in things. We eat so much better now and I feel so good.
I was then referred to the Mahana Southern Māori Mental Health and Addiction Service. The counsellor brought out all of my past trauma, which I had never spoken about before. Releasing all of that trauma was so healing. She gave me some clever methods to use, explained the triangle which made so much sense to me, and then it was just working to find a new place to just be. I don’t want to dwell on it, I wanted to get it out and gone, and that’s exactly what I was able to do with the counsellor.
The huge amount of wraparound support has meant everything to me. I was skeptical when I heard wraparound service, but that’s exactly what it’s been. I don’t think my grandson and I would be anywhere near where we are now if it hadn’t been for the support of Ngā Kete. They have encouraged me to stand up for what I believe in, and say what I want to say, and that has made me a strong and happy person. I am who I am now because Ngā Kete helped me to get there.
What I have loved more than anything is that everyone I have worked with has been so confident I could achieve my goals, and I needed that because I was full of self-doubt.
They have shown me that with hard work you can achieve anything you want to achieve, and I am achieving all of my goals!
