I grew up carrying a lot. I was sent to Gloriavale as a young teen, while dealing with rejection at home, and navigating my own identity. For years, I never really had a safe place to talk about any of it, but that changed when I came to Ngā Kete Mātauranga Pounamu. Through Hiwa-i-te-rangi counselling and Art Therapy, I finally found support, understanding, and a sense of community I’d never had before.
People are always fascinated when I tell them I spent most of my school holidays as a young teen working in Gloriavale and other isolated farms.
I was labelled at home by my parents as a “problem child,” because they couldn’t cope with a child who could talk back. So, rather than deal with me themselves, they sent me away every holiday, to Gloriavale. It wasn’t for my benefit. It was to get rid of the problem.
My parents even considered joining Gloriavale permanently at one point. We did a trial stay when I was about 11, but my mum hated it. But still, they kept in contact, mostly because Gloriavale really wanted us. We were the perfect candidates: religious, no divorces, two parents, and six kids.
My parents started sending me there when I was around 13. I worked the farms and the abattoir, which was my introduction to the workforce. I was up at 4am milking cows, then into ten-hour shifts, dressed head-to-toe in Gloriavale uniform.
I was an exception in Gloriavale. They wouldn’t normally allow someone to come and go, but they were trying to use me as bait to lure my family in. Overall, I spent around six to eight months there across the years. It was bizarre and stressful, especially because I’d realised long before then that I wasn’t straight. Being queer at Gloriavale is absolutely not allowed.
It came to an end when I was 15. I had been sent to Gloriavale for the school holidays over Christmas, but they kept delaying picking me up. When they finally came for a big play the community was putting on, we went back to their room and all my belongings from home were packed into boxes. No warning, just, you’re staying. They were trying to make it my permanent home.
I managed to cry my way out of it, but the realisation hit then that they didn’t want me. I can finally talk about it now, and sometimes even find humour in it, but the hurt is still there and the relationship has never healed. It’s still strained today.
After my parents tried to leave me there, I convinced them to take me home and I stayed there for the next couple of years, but things never improved. My parents weren’t supportive, and I was already struggling with mental health issues they weren’t equipped to handle.
Education was another challenge. I was home-schooled until I was 10, but I couldn’t read or write because I had dyslexia. When I was finally sent to school, I caught up within a year. I left at 15 and completed two short community college stints to get NCEA Level 1.
I moved out of home when I was about 17 and my parents paid for me to stay in a hotel for three weeks and helped get me on to a benefit. After that they moved north and I didn’t hear from them for a couple of months, and then after that nothing for about three years.
During that time I became homeless. I was sleeping on park benches and under bridges for a while until my friend invited me to live with him and his parents. I stayed there for a year and then eventually got my own place. I’ve been there about five years now.
For a long time I drifted without a sense of purpose, but I stayed in therapy on and off.
About three years ago I was referred to a counsellor at Nga Kete and that changed everything for me. I have seen two counsellors in that time, and with them I can talk about anything. I can talk about my upbringing, my brother’s death two years ago, my identity, and the chaos of my life.
I always seem to have multiple things happening at once but for the first time, I’m not coping alone. Nga Kete has given me perspective, patience, and a safe place to be vulnerable.
There’s no judgement, no pressure, and for the first time I’ve been able to fully be myself with a counsellor. When I leave my counselling sessions I feel lighter.
I have also been attending Art Therapy at Nga Kete for about a year and a half. I had always been drawn to art but I hadn’t touched it in years.
The group feels like a small community or a whanau. The facilitator works alongside us and together we share our art, our processes and our struggles. It’s honest, it’s real, and it’s safe. It’s what a whanau should feel like! It means everything to me to be a part of this group and it’s genuinely the highlight of my week.
I’m doing so well now compared to where I used to be. When I look back on my mental health journey from where I was when I first walked into Nga Kete to now, the progress is huge. I’m not the same person anymore.
Coming to Nga Kete has been one of the best things I have ever done. It’s meant the world.
What is Gloriavale?
The Gloriavale Christian Community is an isolated, fundamentalist Christian sect and self-sufficient community located near Lake Haupiri on the West Coast of the South Island of New Zealand. It is known for its conservative beliefs, communal lifestyle, and has been the subject of significant controversy and legal action regarding abuse and labour practices.
